This email has been going around for quite awhile. I got it again this morning. I am tired of it, so I will take the time to answer all these questions to finally lay it to rest.
Why Why Why
QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
1..IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE AGAINST HER WILL, IS IT
CONSIDERED RAPE OR SHOPLIFTING?
..Okay, first of all, why are you shouting?……Rape
2..Can you cry under water?
…Yes
3.. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
..Very
4.. Why do you have to ‘put your two cents in’… but it’s only a ‘penny for your thoughts’? Where’s that extra penny going to?
..Taxes
5.. Once you’re in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
..No, your naked
6.. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
..Because pizza’s are round and boxes that are square are easier to carry and don’t slid off the seat of the delivery car as easy.
7..What disease did cured ham actually have?
..Pigietess
8..How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
..People didn’t use to carry so much luggage, but once they showed it was possible to fly to the moon, it made people think, “Gee, I could take a lot more stuff with me” when they went on vacation, so they set the people who invented space travel, to working on this and they came up with the little wheels on the luggage
9..Why is it that people say they ‘slept like a baby’ when babies wake up like every two hours?
..Because the person who invented that saying and all those who say that, are stupid.
10. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
..Yes.
11..Why are you IN a movie, but you’re ON TV?
..Because the movie screen is so much bigger
12.. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
.. Duh, so they can see!
13..Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They’re going to see you naked anyway…
..Because you are ugly and they don’t want to be exposed to all that ugliness, fat and/or wrinkles any more than they have to, as it’s a real downer, man!
14..Why is ‘bra’ singular and ‘panties’ plural?
..Because English is a stupid language.
15.. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
..The original inventors of the toaster were two guys named Toe and Stirr. One liked barely toasted bread and the other liked it plumb black
16.. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a
stupid song about him?
..Because Jimmy owned slaves many years ago and made them watch him crack corn, which actuality has nothing to do with corn or cracking, but you couldn’t sing the words to the real act he was doing, which was really, really nasty, (matter of fact, so nasty, to this day we can not write about it or they will zap us with lasers…don’t ask about the zapping or you will be zapped with a laser. Really, trust me on this one….)so they came up with the euphemism, “crack corn” and sang about it as a way to get even. But no one who wasn’t a slave, really understood it. Then a Liberal came along and was doing work with the old time slaves after they were freed and came up with this. It is suspected that it is all a hoax, but they have gotten Snopes.com to go along with it so the fools who believe that what Snopes.com writes, have perpetuated this myth. There was no corn. There was no cracking… Now, go on about your business as if nothing happened….
17 If the professor on Gilligan’s Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can’t he fix a hole in a boat?
..Because he is a professor and they really can’t do anything, just talk theory. Typical Liberal….
18. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They’re both dogs!
..Because they were invented by Walt Disney, a horrible Liberal who had a concealed agenda and was involved in a conspiracy to make all people think that animals were equal to people so they could pass laws eventually, that animals had the same rights as people. It’s a lot like the laser deal. Just keep walking and act like you are not aware of these facts, now. Shhhhh, lasers…..
19 If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME
crap, why didn’t he just buy dinner?
…There were no cafe’s nearby and who was going to sell food to a coyote anyway? Besides he couldn’t talk so had no way to order. Would you buy for or sell to a coyote?
20..If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
..Many different things. According to Snopes.com, there are no babies harmed in the making of baby oil. Lasers. Shhhh…
21..If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
….No, the Pope.
22.. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
…Yes, if sang in the exact same way. Something to do with laser, I’’ve heard.
23..Why did you just try singing the two songs?
..I didn’t………………………. This time.
24..Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
..You have really rotten breath. Want a breath mint?
25..Why, Why, Why
..I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know, the question you are trying to pose. Maybe if you got a better education? Somewhere other than a Liberal College?
26..Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
…I don’t. You do? Are you stupid?
27.. Why do banks charge a fee on ‘insufficient funds’ when they know there is not enough money?
..They know that you will get money from someone (probably the government) and pay them eventually. If you don’t, they have lasers…. Shhhh
28..Why does someone BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU SAY THERE ARE FOUR BILLION STARS, BUT CHECK WHEN YOU SAY THE PAINT IS WET?
.Ummm, you are shouting again… why is that?………They are stupid. And Liberals. But then… I repeat myself…..
29..Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
..Cheeta shaves him every morning before they film.
30.. Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
..He doesn’t, but Liberals want you to think of things like this and ignore all the harm that they bring to this world. Sneaky, huh?
32..Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
..So they won’t get hurt in an accident before they get to where they are going to kill themselves. Duh!
33.. Whose idea was it to put an ‘S’ in the word ‘lisp’?
..Liberals, of course…….
34..If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
..We didn’t. God made our ancestors. Liberals evolved from Apes. At least that is what they tell me.
35.. Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
..Liberal conspiracy. They hate themselves and everyone else, so they try to take all the fun out of life. Are you starting to see a similar thread here, with these Liberals?
35..Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
..Yes.
36..Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
..They are stupid. Perhaps, Liberal…..
37..Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
..Most don’t. Only you, evidently. Are you a Liberal?
38.. Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
…Mine always do. If your doesn’t, perhaps you are not as smart as a plastic bag?
39..How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
…There are hidden “bug holes”, designed by Liberals to eventually drive you crazy so you will vote for Liberals. Stay strong!
40..Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that’s falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
…Evidently, not only are you not too smart, but your also a klutz.
41..In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
…Liberal conspiracy. Same reason as the bugs in the light. See number 40 question above.
42.. How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
…Father-in-laws are way cool. And wonderful people. Well, the ones still alive anyway. And would never dream of ruining their children’s lives and those whom they choose to marry. They have more important things to do. Like going hunting, to a ball game or golf. But mainly, because they suffered from a Mother-in-law and so really don’t want to have their children think of them that way, or their children’s spouses.
43.. And my FAVORITE………The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons are suffering from some sort of mental illness.
Think of your three best friends — if they’re okay, then it’s you.
….Those statistics were made up and designed by Liberals. See answer 40, above.
Dennisranch 