Just got this in an email from a friend, evidently in response to my posts of the grandkids AKA: the miniature terrorists!
I am trying to get him to start a blog and post more of this kind of stuff. He writes remarkable stuff, but has no idea how good it is. Please, if you enjoy this, let him know, thru’ the comments. Please excuse the font as The Blindman is truly, almost blind, so has very large expanded font he writes in and I can’t seem to get it to translate over here to WordPress. My fault, not his.
Enjoy. 🙂
I don’t k n o w h o w i t h a p p e n e d . H a d I k n o w n t h e n w h a t I k n o w n o w m a y b e t h i n g s w o u l d b e d i f f e r e n t . A h h e l l, w h o a m I t r y ing t o f o o l, t h i n g s w o u l d b e j u s t t h e s a m e a s t h e y a r e n o w .
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i s t w e n t y f o u r g o i n g o n s e v e n t e e n a n d i t m a k e s f o r
s o m e i n t e r e s t i n g m o m e n t s h e r e o n P a s s C r e e k .
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m u l t i p l e j o b s a n d w o u l d b e e x p e c t e d t o ‚ ¨ m u l t i t a s k ‚ a t a n y g i v e n m o m e n t, d a y o r n i g h t . T h e s e c o n d t h i n g I l e a r n e d w a s t h a t I m i g h t n o t l i k e w h a t I w a s g o i n g t o d o. b u t I w a s j u s t g o i n g t o h a v e t o d o i t a n y w a y . I t ‘s
s a d r e a l l y , I s p e n t t h e f i r s t f i f t y y e a r s o f m y l i f e
t r y i n g l i k e h e l l t o s t a y a w a y f r o m k i d s o f a n y k i n d .
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g r a n d p a I w a s t h r o w n t o t h e w o l v e s a n d I h a d t o
l e a r n t o f l y b y t h e s e a t o f m y p a n t s o r d i e .
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p a n t s . I o f c o u r s e a s k C h a s e h o w t h a t h a p p e n e d a n d
h e s a i d ‚ ¨ I d o n ‚ t r e a l l y w a n t t o s a y a n y t h i n g b e c a u s e C o r b i n i s o n e o f m y o w n . “
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t o l d ‚ ¨I t h i n k Ch a s e p e e d o n m e i n t h e n i g h t . ‚ ¨
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b e c a u s e e v e n t h o u g h t h e e v i d e n c e p o i n t e d t o w a r d
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p r o v e b e y o n d a s h a d o w o f a d o u b t t h a t h e h a d d o n e i t . I t w a s a b o u t t h a t t i m e t h a t t h e l e a d i n v e s t i g a t o r
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h e r e , G r a n d m a d i d n ‘t h a v e t h e s a m e d o u b t s t h a t I d i d a n d t h e c a s e w a s s o l v e d b y h e r w i t h n o f u r t h e r
q u e s t i o n s a s k e d .
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a l l t h e t o y s i n t h e w o r l d a n d s o m e t h i n g s i m p l e l i k e
t h a t c a n g e t t h e r e s t o f t h e w o r l d o u t o f b a l a n c e . I t
w a s a b o u t t h i s t i m e t h a t a l l t h r e e y o u n g m e n d e c i d e d t h a t t h e y i n d i v i d u a l l y w a n t e d t h e b a s k e t f o r t h e i r
o w n . Y e l l i n g a n d s c r e a m i n g , p u s h i n g a n d s h o v e l i n g
t o o k p l a c e a n d i t w a s u p t o m e t o f i g u r e o u t w h o w ould g e t t o p l a y w i t h t h e b a s k e t . T h i s i s w h a t I g o t o u t o f t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n t h a t f o l l o w e d . C h a s e w a n t e d t o s u e C o r b i n a n d N o a h f o r s t e a l i n g t h e b a s k e t f r o m h i m i n
t h e f i r s t p l a c e . C o r b i n w a n t e d t o s u e C h a s e a n d N o a h f o r m i s a p p r o p r i a t i o n o f a t o y , a n d N o a h w a n t e d to s u e C h a s e a n d C o r b i n f o r b e i n g o l d e r a n d m e a n t o a b a b y .
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m a k i n g s o m e r e a l h e a d w a y w h e n G r a n d m a c a m e o u t s i de a n d p i c k e d u p t h e b a s k e t a n d a n n o u n c e d t h a t n o b o d y w o u l d b e p l a y i n g w i t h i t t h a t d a y , a s a l l w e r e g u i l t y
o f t h e s a m e c r i m e . I t s e e m s t h a t e v e n t h o u g h I a m a
j u d g e , s h e i s t h e o n e a n d o n l y m e m b e r o f t h e D i t h m e r R a n c h s u p r e m e c o u r t . N u f f S a i d .
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t h e y a r e s a y i n g t h e y t a l k t h e i r v e r y o w n l a n g u a g e . I w a s s e t t i n g o n t h e d e c k t o m o n i t o r w h a t t h e k i d s w e r e d o i n g w h e n C o r b i n c a m e u p a n d s a i d h e h a d t o p e e .
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h a v e t o g o t o, s o I w e n t o n d o w n t h e s t e p s a n d j o i n e d t h e t w i n s s t a n d i n g a b o v e t h e r o c k s . I h a d a l m o s t
e m p t i e d m y b l a d d e r w h e n I h e a r d t h e t w o t a l k i n g twins sp e a k , p o i n t i n g a t m e , a n d ‚ l a u g h i n g . I ‘ m n o t s u r e
w h a t t h e y w e r e s a y i n g, b u t I a m n e v e r g o i n g t o p e e
w i t h t h o s e t w o a g a i n . W h e n I t o l d B e l i n d a w h a t h a d
h a p p e n e d, s h e s t a r t e d t o l a u g h t oo . I d i d n ‘ t w a i t t o
h e a r w h a t s h e t h o u g h t t h e y w e r e s a y i n g , I j u s t w e n t
i n t h e o t h e r r o o m a n d s e t i n t h e d a r k f o r a w h i l e .
S o m e t i m e s i t b e t t e r n o t t o k n o w w h a t p e o p l e a r e
t a l k i n g a b o u t .
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s h o u l d k n o w a t t h e i r a g e . I w a s s o m e w h a t d i s a p p o i n t e d t o l e a r n t h a t I w o u l d q u a l i f y a s a f o u r y e a r o l d s o m e o f t h e t i m e a n d a t w o y e a r o l d m o s t o f t h e r e s t o f t h e t i m e . S o m u c h f o r t h e n e t .
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l o n g g o n e . N o w w h e n I d r e a m I d r e a m a b o u t s t e a k s ,
c e n t e r c u t p o r k c h o p s , a n d s e a f o o d b o i l s . I h a v e
n i g h t m a r e s a b o u t m a c a n d c h e e s e , h o t d o g s , a n d C h e e t o s . I t s n o t w h a t y o u c o o k b u t h o w s m a l l y o u c a n c u t
t h e p i e c e s f o r N o a h . T h e w o r l d o f f o o d i s a s a v a g e a n d u n f o r g i v i n g o n e . I s u s p e c t t h a t a t s o m e p o i n t I w i l l
a g a i n g e t t o e a t t h e t h i n g s I w a n t t o , b u t b y t h e n I
m i g h t n o t h a v e t h e t e e t h t o c h e w i t w i t h .
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h o u s e o n e m i n u t e a n d e v e r y t h i n g i s f i n e . I n t h e n e x t y o u c a n v e r y p l a i n l y s m e l l t h a t t h e r e h a s b e e n a
t o x i c s p i l l o f s o m e k i n d a n d y o u w i l l f i n d h i m l e a n i n g a g a i n s t t h e c o u c h w i t h a s m i l e o n h i s f a c e . I h a t e
s u r p r i s e s l i k e t h a t a n d w o u l d r a t h e r s m e l l a s k u n k .
I h a v e h a d m a n y o t h e r j o b s i n t h e l a s t t h r e e m o n t h s , l a w o f f i c e r , p h a r m a c i s t , d o c t o r , w a r d r o b e
c o o r d i n a t o r , s n a c k a n d m i l k d i s p e n s e r , a n d a t t i m e s ,
h u m a n t o y . I h a v e h a d t o b e a n a r b i t r a t o r a l m o s t
e v e r y d a y t o d e f u s e w h a t c o u l d b e c o m e an
i n t e r n a t i o n a l i n c i d e n t . I h a v e h a d t h e j o b o f w a r d e n , p r o f e s s i o n a l e n t e r t a i n e r , a n d p u p p y t r a i n e r . D i d I
m e n t i o n t h a t a l o n g w i t h t h e k i d s a n d t h e i r m o m w e
a r e t r y i n g t o h o u s e t r a i n t h e i r n e w p u p p y ?
T o t o p i t a l l o f f, t h e b e a r d t h a t u s e d t o b e b l a c k i s
n o w n o t s a l t a n d p e p p e r , b u t g r e y . I t l o o k s l i k e I ‘ m
g o i n g t o p l a y S a n t a t h i s y e a r , b a h u m b u g !
W e l l t h a t ‘ s a b o u t e n o u g h f o r n o w , t h e b o s s i s c a l l i n g m e t o h e l p h e r w a t c h t h e k i d s o u t s i d e f o r a c o u p l e o f h o u r s . P l e a s e h e l p m e .
S e n d w h i s k e y
O r P r o z a c
O r a g u n .
I a m T h e B l i n d m a n
Love it! So good to know we are not alone, other people are feeling the same thing about g’kids. If Blindman starts a blog, make sure you post the link here so we can enjoy it too.
Now that right there is hilarious, I don’t care who you are!
Blindman, I sure hope your reading these comments. Told you this was the good stuff! This man has a great way with words. You ought to read some of his tales of hunting. He can make you weep with joy and laughter.
Good stuff!! Keep writing!
Was looking through these blogs that my husband reads and ran across this one….
Blindman, you have a great way to put us in the moments with you! We roared with laughter!
And we always learn so much from you Dennisranch….You are a big part of our day!
Well thank you!
Fantastic! Great writing, had me at the first sentence!
Thank you everybody for those kind words. I was setting with Noah watching TV when Belinda came from the office and told me I should see what RD had on his blog site. I don’t know if I will do a blog or not , I doubt that I have the mental capacity to do such a thing but who knows.
Ten years ago I had to stop playing guitar and writing songs, my fingers would no longer work because of some back surgery. Now because of my constant typing those fingers are coming back and I have started to play again. Its going to be hard to decide whether to write my stories in the form of music or in the form of reading material.
Again thank you so much. The Blindman
Bill, you and I just need to get an attachment for our computers that when we talk, it types! I know they have them but if they don’t work any better than the similar app for a cell phone they wouldn’t work for me. Evidently I don’t speak my words clearly enough or my midwest, SD twang doesn’t sound right to the machine!
Just get Belinda to type out your stories. I want to hear your songs. I guess I will just have to make a trip down to see you. Heck, I could come now and shoot at some of your wild birds! 😉
David Pogue – the tech writer for the NYT – uses Dragon Naturally Speaking as a voice to text program. It ain’t cheap, as I recall, and I think he’s mostly a Mac user.
And Robert, when you are cutting and pasting – and HTML information (font, font size, spacing, etc.) contained within is messing up you up when pasting into a publishing box – my solution is to paste into Microsoft’s Notepad – the lesser of two writing programs Microsoft has. It’s real simple and shows all the HTML – which you can cut out. You can also use it to change fonts, too. I’ve no idea what the corresponding Mac program is, but I’d bet there is one.
I tried it on what ever program I have and it looked good until I posted it on here. I use a Mac.
Thanks J B for sharing Blindman’s post. Very enjoyable. And Bill– you are gifted when you can make us laugh out loud. Well written! Funny, funny!
Oh yes he should start a blog for sure! keep us posted! 🙂