Santa got in a tight spot, so he needed help real bad
He called me up ‘cuz I’m like a son, with him my adopted Dad
Said the EPA and Fish and Game had shut down his operation
‘Least in the U S of A, he was looking for inspiration
They was afraid he’d bringing in deer disease, that would lay U S Cervus low
Oh, by the way, Cervus is Latin for Deer….. here you thought I was kind of slow!
Anyhoo, Santa needs some kind of deer that grow natural ‘round these parts
So naturally he thought of me ‘cuz he’s needin’ someone who’s got smarts!
And we’ve done some tradin’ in the past , mutually beneficial, so to speak
He was hopin’ I’d help him out real fast ‘cuz we only had ‘bout a week!
I knew Santa had that magic dust he sprinkles on them deer
And it works on just ‘bout anything so they can fly one night a year
So I suggested some Muley’s, they are fairly easy to find right now
Or perhaps some Whitetail would do the trick, got some eatin’ hay with my cow
Said he’d tried both species before, but both had qualities lacking
So now I got my brow furrowed and I get my mind to tracking
“Antelope!”, I hollers into the phone, “No, I need deer”, was his reply
“Well heck, they purt neer are”, I say, ‘tho’ I aint never seen one fly”
“Fast as they run, it wouldn’t surprise me, but trainin’ might be a trick”
Santa’s quiet for a bit then ‘sez, “We’ll do it! Just leave it to St Nick!”
So I go to trying’ to gather speed goats, good thing I got them tranquilizer darts
Puts them to sleep real easy, sure glad there’s no wardens in these parts
I get ‘em gathered and Santa sneaks down, wears a disguise to cross the border
Loads them up and off he goes, I sure filled ol’ Santa’s order
Sure enough come Christmas Eve he makes a stop at my place
And them Goats is working great, real purty, sailin’ down from space
Said they are working just perfect, driving them is sure a blast
Only complaint he’s really got Is they run so dog gone fast!
I’m sure glad I could help ol’ Santa and the thing that is plumb sublime
They run so much faster than reindeer, he claims he’s done in half the time!
R Dennis 12/19