I stole these!

From Dickiebo’s blog. You really ought to go check it out. He always has great stuff!   http://dickiebo.wordpress.com

With best regards to all Irish!

———— ——— ——–oOo- ———–

A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane.

Paddy ordered a whisky.

The stewardess asked the Muslim if he’d like a drink.

He replied in disgust “I’d rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!”

Paddy handed his drink back and said

“Me too, I didn’t know we had a choice!”

———— ——— ——–oOo- ——— ———

Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight.

The operator asks “How many people are flying with you?”

Paddy replies “I don’t know! It’s your f***ing plane!”

———— ——— ——–oOo- ——— ——— ——— –

Paddy and Murphy are working on a building site.
Paddy says to Murphy “I’m gonna have the day off,
I’m gonna pretend I’m mad!”
He climbs up the rafters, hangs upside down and shouts

“I’M A LIGHTBULB! I’M A LIGHTBULB!”

Murphy watches in amazement!

The Foreman shouts “Paddy you’re mad, go home”

So he leaves the site.

Murphy starts packing his kit up to leave as well.

“Where the hell are you going?” asks the Foreman.

“I can’t work in the friggin’ dark!” says Murphy.

———— ——— ——–oOo- ——— ———

Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night.

After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says “I wonder how the girls are getting on”.
———— ——— ——–oOo- —————— –

Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night.
She undresses, lies on the bed spread-eagled and says
“You know what I want, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” says Paddy. “The whole feckin’ bed by the looks of it!”